Nikki Davidson-Bowman
Severed
Installation - red velvet, thread, pins, stuffing & embelishments, 225 x 33 x 25 cm
This sculpture responds to the internalised head space of grief and the many dimensions of loss that we may go through when a relationship ends abruptly and completely. It is both tactile and nurturing as well as being spiky and damaged with some of the umbilical style chords broken, sprawling on to the floor below. Each chord, which explodes from within the soft pillowy space that may be a womb, a heart or the hidden depths of the mind, has been made over many hours with repetitive mindless movements of binding, hands clasped tightly on the threads that make the skin raw and ugly.
Made in response to the artist's loss of her mother after almost 5 years of caring unconditionally throughout a terminal illness. She is left behind to pick up the pieces of what her life was before becoming unintentionally the family matriarch in her second unapplied for role, like the one of family care giver.
The Pilgimage
In this year following my mother’s death I have felt hollow and at odds with myself. From no personal time and being constantly on red alert to cope with a rapidly deteriorating neurological illness alongside a very subtle form of dementia, to free time and no demands from my mother, medical people, her friends or family. I had forgotten what it meant to have time to myself. I sink and crave the need to still be caring. My mind does not switch off. I wonder constantly whether I did enough and suffer with lost self-esteem and direction.
On the occasional good day – I work to find ways to process my grief and share my journey and raise awareness of the full cycle of maternal in our failing care system – it will not suddenly get better but time and creativity are all part of the healing process.
The Pilgrimage was made with words scrawled in my notebook alongside a meandering walk in Cornwall a few days after having scattered my mother’s ashes.